For Whatever It Is
by hitotsu-kokoro
Summary: Her tears and running off tell him that something is wrong, but he doesn't know what it is. He can go after her, but he'll never know what's bothering her. Takes place during episode 10. Yukiatsu/Tsuruko


**For Whatever It Is**

Swift footsteps follow behind her, falling hard onto the dirt beneath leather shoes. She knows whose they are; she knows that _he_ had heard her every word, and she knows _he's_ the one cashing after her. _ 'How ironic this is,' _she thinks. After the long number of years that she had spent following after him, he's finally coming after her. _'But what kind of situation is this?' _He's only here to yell and shoot vituperations at her; he has no other business talking to her, not when he's already made plans with someone else.

"Hey!" Yukiatsu scolds. His voice is raised, almost yelling, but to her surprise, it's not - it's not his place to yell at her, after all. The sound of footsteps comes to a halt and she knows that he has caught up to her. His hand latches itself onto her arm in a tight grip that holds her back from walking away.

"It hurts…"

_Please…_

Her voice is low and subdued, but just loud enough for those soft words to fall on his ears. But he ignores her as if he hadn't heard and continues his string of rebukes. "I thought you weren't going to spread that around. Even I–"

"It hurts…"

_Leave me be…_

A sudden shock overtakes him that stops the words in his throat. The small quiver in her voice betrays her will to not falter, and he can see the tear that trails down her cheek. He hasn't seen her cry in years – the last time was probably when they were children. Eyes widen and a tight grip lets go and he stands there in confusion as she runs away from him.

"…Tsurumi…"

_...Wait..._

She dashes off before he can see any more tears fall from her eyes. It has been years since she's cried. _It's been years since she _let_ herself cry_. After all this time of holding up a guise of strength, indifference, and seriousness before vulnerable emotion, she can't afford to let it fall, not in front of the very person for whom she built that facade.

"Yukiatsu..."

_I just can't stand to be near you right now..._

She tries to escape before he has the chance to call her back; she knows, though, that he probably won't and wouldn't, and she's slightly comforted by the thought of it.

"..Tsuru...Tsuruko!"

_Don't...Don't run away!_

Well, she was wrong about that.

The puffs of dust settle onto the ground behind feet that suddenly come to a halt. That name...the name that hasn't left his lips since the death of a certain little girl years and years ago...she just can't help but stop and turn at sound of it.

"Yuki...atsu...?"

_What...do you want...?_

Yukiatsu catches up to her unmoving form, but this time, leaves his hands at his sides - she isn't trying to run away now, after all. Green eyes try to meet blue, but the pair that hides behind red-rimmed glasses refuses to look up. _'It's funny,'_ she sardonically thinks to herself, feeling his gaze on her, _'_I'm_ usually the one trying to catch _his_ glance.'_

"What..." he says, "What did those girls want?"

_What...What did I do?_

"Nothing."

_You didn't do anything._

"I doubt that."

_Stop lying to me._

"It should be none of your concern."

_Just leave me alone._

He can't conjure up a sufficient reply, so instead, he waits for her to tell him to go away. He waits and watches. From a step behind, he can't see her face or hear any sound from her but he still waits for her to say something – anything. When she doesn't, though, he realizes that he will have to be the one to break the uneasy silence.

"Tsu–"

_I–_

"You should get going now."

_There are other people who are more worth your time._

Yukiatsu isn't oblivious to the shaking in her voice despite her efforts at hiding it, but he doesn't understand. He doesn't know why she is upset and he needs an explanation.

"Don't try to get rid of me like that."

_I'm not leaving you like this._

"I need to be going too, so I'll…I'll see you tomorrow."

_I know you don't want me here, so I'll stay out of your way._

He grabs her arm when she tries to run off again, but this time, she doesn't say a word as he pulls her back. Blue eyes are glazed over with unshed tears that he knows she is trying to hold back, but there is one streak that trails down her right cheek that tells him that perhaps she isn't as strong as she tries to be. A hand lifts up, as if to wipe that very cheek, but her own swats it away as another tear finds its way from her eyes.

"Tsurumi…"

_Just tell me_…

"It's…its nothing."

_It's you_.

"But it's not 'nothing.'"

_It's me, isn't it…?_

She doesn't answer, because she knows that he's right. Since when he has been able to see through her, she doesn't know, but she doesn't like it; she doesn't like the sense of vulnerability and exposure it gives her.

"What is it then…?"

_What did I do…?_

Yukiatsu's question hangs in the air, unanswered, but he can hear her stifled sniffles cutting through the silence. He doesn't expect to hear a reply from her and he doesn't count on ever finding out what left her like this, but he has a good idea that he is part of it.

"_I'm sorry."_

He moves without thinking, closing the distance between them as he wraps his arms around her. The embrace is awkward. She is still and tense and he considers pulling away, until he feels her relax and circle her owns arms around him.

"Yukiatsu…"

_Why…_

He can feel her tears begin to wet the front of his school uniform and some sort of unknown remorse fill his gut, but he only pulls her closer.

"Tsurumi…"

_Because…_

"I'm sorry."

_For whatever it is,_

"_I'm sorry."_

* * *

><p><em>Written in reaction to this very scene in episode 10, in which, after watching, I became a bit disappointed in Yukiatsu. <em>

_I know that Yukiatsu is a bit out of character toward the end, but twisting his character a bit was the only way I could make the Yukiatsu/Tsuruko ending that I wanted. I hope he's not _painfully_ out of character though (perhaps, post-series!Yukiatsu could act something like this? (or am I just trying to justify myself?))._

_Anyway, thank you for reading! Comments and critiques are always welcome!_


End file.
